Tips for Coaching 11s and 12s in Esports

Last week, I talked about coaching 9s and 10s in esports. I love coaching that age, and I pointed out that one of the most important things you can do for that age group is to role model appropriate mature emotional behavior. I call this coaching whole heartedly. This week, we are going to look at the next grade group. We’ll also consider the third principle in working with younger kids. Our third principle is really three values rolled into one. You could call it self-control, or quiet strength, but I believe there are three attributes that together express internal fortitude. The values are humility, patience, and self-discipline.

Working with 6th and 7th graders

For 11- and 12-year-old players, there is a lot going on. Psychologically, this group is moving away from identification with the family, to peer group identification. Many parents feel a tremendous anxiety as they see their children become more remote. If they are into video games, this can be even more stressful as few parents can relate to the types of experiences their children are having at play or in competition.

For this age group, the coach becomes even more important. I loved coaching players of this age because the kids had self-selected. The players are here because by this age they have chosen to focus on this sport or activity. As a result, players typically bring a desire to improve. They are starting to sound, and act, a lot more like adults. That does not mean they are adults. It means they are rapidly expanding their capacity mimic adult behaviors and speech patterns. This can be disconcerting because as a coach you can lulled into thinking you are dealing with actual adults — until the façade cracks and the child beneath is revealed in unexpected and often awkward ways.

Emotional Development

A psychologist once told me that it takes 12 years for the bottom two thirds of our brain form. This “foundation” if you will, forms our emotional core. Julia Cameron in her book, The Artist’s Way, refers to our inner child. According to her, for most people, this “child” is about 12 years old. You can see that 12 is an important age for multiple reasons. Powerful emotional maps are being imprinted as well as the shape of our creative self.

According to my psychologist friend, it takes another dozen years for the brain to complete its formation. The prefrontal cortex takes a long time to grow. As my wife would often say (sometimes under her breath), when dealing with our teenage children, “Their brains are not fully developed. Their brains are not fully developed.” I learned to say this as a kind of soothing mantra when one of my children, or players did something inexplicable. I found this to be more effective than shouting, “What were you thinking?”

Suffice to say, a combination of hormones, neural development, and complex social changes are all happening at once. One of the most important things competition can do for kids this age is give them a safe place to fail. That only works however, if it is also a safe place for them to see themselves improve. As Cody Dragon of themeta.com recently told me, “kids just want to get better.” I agree with him. It is fun to get good at something.

By the 6th and 7th grade, players change their focus away from caring so much about what the coach thinks, to comparing their performance against their own personal standards. Players want to play the way they believe they should be able to play.

At this age, you can begin to pull out all the drills, techniques, and even include players in the conversations. What is happening and why. Repetition is essential, but you can freely mix in some conceptual ideas as well.

Be A Rock

Skill instruction, however, is only a fraction of the opportunity you have to shape young people. According to a 2019 study from John Hopkins University, among the 7 positive childhood experiences that shape adult health and resiliency, coaches can make a lasting difference. Having non-parental adults who care about a child’s wellbeing is one of the keys. Yes, having parental support is also necessary, but children who have access to other adults who demonstrate healthy emotional support and care about the child contribute to their long-term emotional development and resiliency.

In my experience, the most effective way to handle this is to focus on cultivating what I call, “the rock”. At the beginning of the article, I called it inner fortitude. The three characteristics that determine this are:

1. Humility
2. Patience
3. Self-Discipline

Each of these values contribute with a sense of tempered strength. The stronger and more confident you are in your own abilities, the easier it is to give away credit, and remain steadfast when others lose their cool. The self-discipline contributes to the sense of communion with the players. You are not asking them to do anything you have not done and would not do yourself. They may think it is unfair, but you know better.

My Role Model: Coach Sutter

In high school, I played football for Coach Sutter. I don’t think he even had a first name. Sutter was tough, high energy, and detail oriented. One day, when we were not giving it our all, Coach dropped into a defensive stance and with no pads or helmet, blasted blocking dummy sled. He hit one padded dummy after another, running into them so fast it sounded like hall full of doors slamming one after the other. He showed us how it was done. We were speechless. Later, as an adult, I was able to go back to Michigan and watch The Harrison Hawks compete for the state championship. From the sidelines, I could see what I did not as a player. How much the coaches loved, yes loved those players. They loved them enough to be patient, to be disciplined, and to always put the players first. I thought he was teaching me to play football. Coach Sutter told me after the game when I met him on the field, he wasn’t coaching football. He was raising men.

I believe every child, boy or girl deserves to have someone like Coach Sutter in their lives. The former NBA player and motivational speaker Jean Paul Gonzalez said the reason he left professional basketball to coach middle school in New Jersey was simple.

No celebrity, no rock star, no athlete changed my life. The people who changed my life were the people who cared enough to be in it.

The Foundation

While it certainly can be dramatic to see an adult lose their composure in the heat of combat, and this happens a lot during professional sports, I paid particularly close attention to the coaches at the Little League World Series. The calm approach they brought to the game always inspired me. At the regional levels I saw parents, players, and yes coaches lose their composure. But at the highest levels in the youth game — it was a different attitude and approach that won out.

From my research, the mindsets that had the most beneficial effect on young players are captured in these three personal principles.

1. Be calm, centered, and grounded.
2. Coach wholeheartedly.
3. Be humble, patient, and self-disciplined.

This combination of centeredness, coupled with emotional intelligence, supported by strength and discipline creates an environment for players (and other coaches) to gravitate toward. This stability is generative. Think of it as a strong bridge people can cross. It supports players as they deal with feelings of failure, fear, and loss during their learning. Learning to get better can be a daunting process. Especially when everything else in your life is in flux as well.

This eye of the hurricane can be a reprieve for players. The whole heartedness complemented by inner strength is like an emotional helping hand as they stretch out on that limb to tray and become who they are capable of becoming.

For me, the real reward in coaching is seeing young people achieve their potential.

What is Next?

As the players age and mature, I believe a different set of principles are called for. They complement the first trio, only instead of focusing internally, they are action-oriented. Children respond much more to who we are, than what we say and possibly do.

As humans grow to adults however, actions take on a greater role. Beginning next week, I’ll dive into the four guiding principles for coaching players in a competitive program.

References

1. Cameron, J. (2002). The Artist’s Way: 25th Anniversary Edition (10th edition). TarcherPerigee.
2. Braman, A. L. & MACP. (2019, September 12). 7 Positive Childhood Experiences (PCE’s) that Shape Adult Health and Resiliency — Illustrated. LindsayBraman.Com.